One friend will hand you a tissue and tell you that you need to take however much time you need to reflect, mope, and gain closure – which may or may not include a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food. Another friend will say the best way to deal with a breakup is to ditch the spoon and opt for a night out with the gang instead.
Which is superior: time to heal or ripping off the band-aid? This remains one of the most stubborn conundrums among dating philosophers. But what about in the volleyball world? What is the protocol for a volleyball player post-breakup?
Unlike conventional dating, which benefits from a yearlong mating season, our season begins in spring, peaks during the summer, and winds down in fall (that’s a lot of February birthdays). We don’t have the luxury of securing a mate throughout the calendar year. Nobody wants to commit to somebody in January for a relationship that officially kicks off around May. Think prom on steroids. The courtship phase is over, yet I find myself scanning the dance floor for someone who isn’t attached at the hip.
In this scenario, I’d say I’ve been circling that same dance floor and hitting the buffet table repeatedly. Maybe a trip to the ladies room here and there for a brief meltdown (what am I training for!? Why is this so damn hard!?). But I always fix my mascara and end up realizing that this “career” choice is not a sprint but a marathon. The high expectations that I lay out for myself always leave me wanting to reach my goals prematurely. I have to give myself time to develop, time for things to get harder before they get easier.
Which is why I’ve kept busy focusing on my training sessions and doing activities that I really enjoy. Like spending time with Pepe, my boyfriend’s (yes, you are now my boyfriend in print. It’s official. Get over it) new stand-up paddleboard. And writing. And wine-tasting. I need these things in my life to take some of the pressure off of volleyball.
I can’t lie to you: the past two Saturdays did not roll in quietly. Both the National Volleyball League (NVL) in Malibu and Corona Light Wide Open (CLWO) tour stops in Chicago have come and gone, like kidney stones passing through the night. I so wanted to be at those tournaments. My body aches for competition. Which brings me to my predicament: how aggressive can I be in finding a partner?
As I said before, prom night is in full swing, and almost everyone seems to be in a committed relationship. I wouldn’t ever purposefully go over and steal a partner from their mate — I’m no home wrecker. But is there harm in asking if that partnership is a happy one? Maybe just one slow song? I don’t think so, which is why, after wishing a few players good luck before competition, I make sure to do a follow-up check, just to see if there’s even a small chance that an opportunity could open up.
I did go a bit further with another player from my volleyball black book who is recently back on the market. After fishing for some details concerning her current status, I popped the question like a gun-shy adolescent: “If you want to play a tourney together, I’m game.” Via text, of course.
See how I tiptoed around the subject, careful not to put myself totally out there with something like, “do you want to play a tournament with me?” That’s too bold, and I’m too shy. I can’t help but wonder though: if I had asked her in that manner would she be impressed and attracted to my confidence? Or would she be annoyed because she is out of my league? I guess that depends on whether she thinks she is out of my league. Anyhow, she didn’t reply with a clear “no” or a “yes,” just an acknowledgment that the dating game is rough business, especially during this point in the season.
I’ve been gun shy in another aspect of my life as well: planning a trip out to North Carolina to visit my folks. We’ve been back and forth for literally months, trying to navigate “good” weekends from “bad” — “good” meaning that there isn’t a major tournament being held on the same day.
I finally pulled the trigger on a weekend immediately after reading the e-mail that NVL commissioner Albert (Alby) Hannemann sent to all us players concerning conflicting tour dates. USAV just released their summer schedule and a few of their tournaments occur on the same weekends as NVL events, creating frustration among the tournament directors, sponsors, and players. Alby expressed regret that the Long Beach event will be postponed until 2012, meaning that their tour stop in Miami will be their season-ending tournament.
This is when the light bulb turned on in my head: if the CEO of the NVL wasn’t prepared for the events that would affect his tour’s future, how can I be? Why should I hit pause and postpone my life for tournaments that may or may not happen, in which I may or may not be able to play? So I booked it.
Katrina Zawojski lives in Hermosa Beach and is chasing her dream of a career in professional beach volleyball. Follow her on Twitter at sandinmysuit1.
